The Most Pointless Apps in the World

The Most Pointless Apps in the World - Lovefone, London

We live in an age where people with very little talent want to get rich quick. To do that, many will sell the dignity they never had in the first place to try and become famous. This is often done through the medium of reality TV.

Slightly above this level of ‘fame at all costs’, there are those who think that all you need to do to bag the mega bucks is to invent an app. So, their brains slowly crank into gear and eventually, they convince themselves they’ve just thought of the ‘next big thing’. Except, they haven’t.

In this article, we’re going to take a look at some of the world’s most pointless apps, and the good news is, there really are some shockers.

I’m Rich

You’re not rich, you’re stupid.

This is the news that apparently 8 people bought an app for $999.99 that was simply a screen saver. It wasn’t even a nice image. While some people may be rich in monetary terms, the sort of people who would buy this app are the ‘Rich Kids of Instagram’ brood. Giving that money to charity never crossed their minds it seems.   

Celebrity Height Check

Do you ever find yourself really needing to know how tall Sandra Bullock is, or Andi Peters? Then this app for iPhone is the answer to your prayers. For reference’s sake, it’s 5ft 6in and 6ft respectively, which is actually quite interesting because we never thought Andi Peters was quite so tall. Perhaps this is one app we’ve written off too quickly.   

Hold On

Just when you thought it couldn’t get more inane, we have Hold On, an Android app designed for no reason whatsoever. Play Hold On and a button will appear on your screen that you must press and hold for as long as you can. There’s no prize. There’s no point. There’s nothing. Eventually, even when you’re doing really well, a pop-up ad will come along and break your incredible feat of pointlessness anyway.

Human to Animal translators

Let’s make this clear straight away: absolutely no science has gone into the making of this app. You’re not going to be able to hold an hour-long conversation about the books of Dostoyevsky with your cat. However, you will be able to press a button and make an animal noise, which, just to be clear, is in no way a translation tool. Meow!

Harmonica

Okay, hands up, this one is brilliant. Harmonica is an iPhone app that purports to let your play your iPhone like a harmonica. Just imagine your friends’ faces when you start busting out a Springsteen-esque Harmonica solo in the pub. You’re going to be a legend forever!

Unfortunately, the sound produced by a harmonica is the result of a thin strip of brass that vibrates when you breathe into it. These are parts your iPhone does not have. We’ll leave it at that.   

Do you have any useless app suggestions of you own? Please share the most awful with our readers in the comments section below.

Published
August 16, 2017