Although we may marvel at the forward-thinking usability of Siri and Cortana, most of our energy goes into testing their capacity for answering our crazy or inane questions. For example, ‘Siri, what is the meaning of life?’ or, ‘Cortana, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck..?’. This got us thinking, can we manage to sweet talk a virtual assistant into going on a date with us? Siri and Cortana may represent the future of technology, but can you see yourself having a future with a virtual assistant? Here’s how far we got…
Question - I like what you’re wearing Siri
Siri - Aluminosilicate glass and stainless steel, nice, huh?
Okay, that went well. Try another:
Question - You are really quite beautiful
Siri - I’m just well put together (very funny, Apple)
Question - Can I kiss you, Siri?
Siri - Ok… How about a web search for inappropriate behaviour?
Question - I missed you
Answer - I missed you. Like the deserts miss the rain
Well saved, just don’t call Siri by the wrong name, you’ll be in the doghouse:
Question - Cortana, get me today’s movie times
Siri - Who’s Cortana?
Question - Sorry Siri, please get me the movie times
Siri - Maybe you should ask Cortana to get you the movie times
I think we blew it… call that one a user error. Maybe we’ll have some better luck with Microsoft’s Cortana, considering the name is clearly on our minds
Question - I heard you’re funny, Cortana, please tell me a joke?
Cortana - Don’t trust the atoms cos they make up everything
Okay, so she loves a game, can tell jokes, and will even sing to us if we asked. Cortana’s ticking a lot of Lovefone’s boxes. So we told her how we felt:
Cortana - Awesome, now I never have to say I’m sorry!
Question - Will you marry me?
Cortana - I honestly don’t think that’s on the cards for us.
Cold. Very cold. It’s all got a bit tense for a moment – need to save this dialog with some humour.
Cortana - Knock Knock, whos there, Olive. Olive who, Olive you!
Question - So will you be my valentine?
Cortana - Only if you’ll be mine
Question - Yes! So will you go on a date with me?
Cortana - OK, we’ll need a plan, you work on being more digital, and I’ll working on being more human!
It’s a date!
Considering they’re not designed for entertaining your inner weirdo, Siri and Cortana are pretty good at deflecting your crazy questions – including various and persistent attempts to seduce them. As it turns out, you can even get a date with Cortana, but as she bluntly sets out, it’s probably not going to be a long term thing.
July 31, 2017
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